It feels so different trying for a baby this time around. It totally changes your perspective to have 9 months of pregnancy, a L&D, and a year and a half of parenting under your belt. My SIL commented that I seemed very relaxed about the whole thing - I think that's because I know what's on the other end once I do get pregnant. With that being said, I also feel so much better prepared and I know once I am pregnant, I'll savor every little bit of time as a mom to 1 (ALL THE SLEEP) because once baby comes, everything changes.

To back up, when H was around 15 months old, we tried half haphazardly for a few months and then put it on pause because I didn't want to be 9 months pregnant in the dead of summer. I'm not sure what changed (probably watching H get bigger and smarter and more of a little boy every single month that passes) but this month we decided to just let go of planning and give it a full effort. I re-downloaded my Glow app and have been tracking regularly. With that being said, I'm also not driving myself crazy. If it happens, it happens and the timing will be just as it's supposed to.

We talked about it and again, don't really have a gender preference! We do plan on finding out at the 20 week mark this time around though, just to do it differently. Honestly, I could see having another boy and maybe stopping there, or having a little girl and then trying for a third. It's really crazy how you have an idea in your head of what your family will look like but you really have no control over it! I'm not sure I'll write anymore about this until I have news to share because like I said, I'm not obsessing but this is an exciting time for our family with lots of changes on the horizon. It's scary to think about rocking the boat once things have finally calmed down but these are all happy blessings.

One last thought (I know this post is all over the place) is that Ben has given me full reign over baby naming this time around. He likes to think he named Harrison but we all know we had that name picked out for ages before we even got pregnant ;) So that is ONE thing I've been obsessing over.

Ben left for a week-long business trip on Monday, August 3rd. This is also the morning I decided, against my better judgement, to take a pregnancy test. I say against my better judgement because A- it was obviously going to say negative because my period wasn't supposed to come until the following weekend. And B- if it is positive what the Hell am I going to do with this news while my husband is 20,000 feet in the air headed to the west coast? I had symptoms all weekend so I bit the bullet, peed on the stick and skittered out of the bathroom to make myself tea. Walking back in, ready to just feel sad and get on with getting ready for work, I glimpsed at the stick and there it was: two lines.

As anyone who's been TTC for a while knows, it's an emotional roller coaster filled with hope and anticipation which is then followed by disappointment and sadness when it doesn't happen that month. So when I saw that faint line I felt like I was in a dream. I immediately called my SIL and started bawling before squeaking out that I was finally pregnant. She has been my number one confidant throughout this whole process and the person who kept me sane and stayed my biggest cheerleader through it all. It's only natural that she'd be one of the first people I'd tell...even ahead of my husband ;)

Ben was due to land back in Philly early Friday afternoon and he thought I would be gone by then to Rehobeth with my girlfriends so I arranged my plans to leave later and surprise him at home (he was also leaving for a bachelor party). You know what they say about the best laid plans...I left at noon to get balloons and set up his surprise and then I waited and waited and waited. Traffic out of Philly was terrible so when he finally rolled in at 4:45 I was a bundle of nerves because I knew we'd both have to leave again shortly after 5 but there was no way I was waiting until Sunday after waiting all day (and week!). I heard him open the door and slowly walk through the living room and when he turned the corner he just broke into a smile and said "are we really?" "holy moly!" haha he's so cute.

Keeping this a secret from him all week was so hard but I'd definitely say it was worth it to see his face in person when I was finally able to tell him.