Monday August 17th, 2015

Symptoms: so. freaking. tired. I read that week 6 is a huge week for development which helps explain my extreme fatigue. I hate feeling "useless" but I know I need to rest when my body tells me to and pregnancy naps are sort of the best thing ever.

Mama: may have ordered a rug for baby's room already. Nothing like counting your chickens, right? I can't help it though, I'm so excited! We plan on keeping the sex a surprise so I'm having fun planning a gender-neutral nursery.

Craving:  Sleep! And still really wishing for cooler weather. Really, I just want August to be over so we can get our first appointment in and start telling more friends ;) Still not craving anything food-related.

Baby: is now visible on an ultrasound and it's heart is beating away as it develops. Keep on trucking little buddy! Mama and daddy are so excited to see you in a few weeks!

Right now:  It's starting to feel more real as we tell close family members. I was nervous to do this, but I know having a support system, God forbid anything happens, is really important to me. In other news, I'm pretty sure Ivy knows what's up. She's been extra cuddly lately and weary of strangers which isn't normally like her.

August 11th, 2015

Symptoms: fatigue, sore boobs, bloating/constipation and light cramping every once and a while. The cramping only really happens after I eat a good-sized meal which makes me think it's my digestive track pushing against my expanding uterus.

Mama: is happy to have the symptoms I do so I "feel" pregnant. My first ultrasound isn't until September 11th, when I'll be at the tail end of 9 weeks, so any little thing that ensures me that the nugget is hanging on in there is a good sign in my book. No nausea yet and I'm okay with that. I'm crossing my fingers it stays away.

Craving: does sleep and cooler weather count? I'm not craving anything food-wise.

Baby: is the size of a chocolate chip, has been nicknamed peanut by it's father and has been prayed for endlessly by it's mama.

Right now:  the only people that know are my mom and our best friends, Josh and Jen. I'm excited to tell his parents this weekend and then our friends after our first appointment, I don't want to wish time away at all but I'm anxious to share our happy news with everyone.

Ben left for a week-long business trip on Monday, August 3rd. This is also the morning I decided, against my better judgement, to take a pregnancy test. I say against my better judgement because A- it was obviously going to say negative because my period wasn't supposed to come until the following weekend. And B- if it is positive what the Hell am I going to do with this news while my husband is 20,000 feet in the air headed to the west coast? I had symptoms all weekend so I bit the bullet, peed on the stick and skittered out of the bathroom to make myself tea. Walking back in, ready to just feel sad and get on with getting ready for work, I glimpsed at the stick and there it was: two lines.

As anyone who's been TTC for a while knows, it's an emotional roller coaster filled with hope and anticipation which is then followed by disappointment and sadness when it doesn't happen that month. So when I saw that faint line I felt like I was in a dream. I immediately called my SIL and started bawling before squeaking out that I was finally pregnant. She has been my number one confidant throughout this whole process and the person who kept me sane and stayed my biggest cheerleader through it all. It's only natural that she'd be one of the first people I'd tell...even ahead of my husband ;)

Ben was due to land back in Philly early Friday afternoon and he thought I would be gone by then to Rehobeth with my girlfriends so I arranged my plans to leave later and surprise him at home (he was also leaving for a bachelor party). You know what they say about the best laid plans...I left at noon to get balloons and set up his surprise and then I waited and waited and waited. Traffic out of Philly was terrible so when he finally rolled in at 4:45 I was a bundle of nerves because I knew we'd both have to leave again shortly after 5 but there was no way I was waiting until Sunday after waiting all day (and week!). I heard him open the door and slowly walk through the living room and when he turned the corner he just broke into a smile and said "are we really?" "holy moly!" haha he's so cute.

Keeping this a secret from him all week was so hard but I'd definitely say it was worth it to see his face in person when I was finally able to tell him.

looking forward to a low key weekend, just me and my girl, while B is on a canoe trip

craving all things Fall, hence buying & dressing in sweaters for freezing office temperatures

reading about The Fertility Diet. it's not too different to how I currently eat, so it can't hurt right? if it doesn't happen this month I may give this a shot...

1. Since B was off yesterday, he cooked me dinner! We had zucchini noodle pad thai and he made it extra spicy for me. I should relish control more often in the kitchen ;) 

2. We also booked our all of our flights for our anniversary trip in October. We haven't been on a "big" vacation (week long, out of state, not family-related, JUST US) since our honeymoon so I cannot wait! We already had Dallas on the roster for a family wedding so we tacked on Nashville the week prior. It was between Nashville and New Orleans but depending on the state of pregnancy (or not) we chose to go with the more mellow city. Plus, his Uncle has a house and spare car in Nashville so free room and travel!

Time to make my Pinterest travel board...

Where to start? It's July 13th, we're in our third month of trying and Hell, if it isn't emotionally draining. July 4th marked a meltdown of sorts. My pregnant sister-in-law, best friend and confidant consoling me as I threw the pregnancy tests back into my bag and reached for a tampon. This was going to be the month! We could have told everyone while we were all together!  I tend to do this - build things up in my head. She, like everyone else, doesn't know what to say and knows even better to not say the cliche things. Since then, I've regrouped, as I've done every month since we started, telling myself to relax and enjoy the process.

This month feels really good so far. I made a pact with myself to abstain from coffee and alcohol until my birthday (possibly indefinitely...?) and it's been helping with my sleep and mood tremendously. It's also been forcing me to deal with my emotions a lot more and not just rush through the days and weeks. I've been finding myself feeling grateful for little things every day and I've had a lot more energy. I guess I didn't realize how much I was relying on coffee to wake me up and get me through the day and then a drink to help me unwind after. It feels good to just flow through the days naturally and did I mention -- sleep has been amazing? A big thing that spurred this decision was knowing that when I do get pregnant I'm going to have to completely cut out alcohol and limit caffeine. Being an all or nothing person, I'd rather not be suffering from caffeine withdrawal when I'm trying to enjoy the news of being pregnant and I also feel like getting used to booze free socializing earlier on will help too. 

This week we don't have a ton going on. Ben was off work at a golf tournament with his brother and dad today so he got to get some things done around the house this morning, including prepping dinner, so I'm looking forward to getting some household stuff done around the house tonight. I've been playing around with the idea of turning our spare room into a makeshift art/craft room for myself. Nothing permanent like bookshelves and painting, but just a space I can hang out in on the weekends when I get the DIY bug. 

It's technically our Thursday because we have off on Friday, which sort of makes this even lazier of me, but I wanted to post some pictures of our time down at the shore last weekend. It was just me, B, Ivy and his dad and despite the insane storms we had, we were still able to get out on the boat for a little, if only to fuel up for this upcoming holiday weekend. It's going to be a full house with all us kids and dogs going down this upcoming weekend but it's always such a blast when we're all together. I can't wait! How is it already July?!